


how to talk to yourself (and what to do when the self talks back)

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e03 The Summoning, Episode: s04e04 Falling Toward Apotheosis, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I guess angst kinda, Post- The Summoning, Pre- Falling Towards Apotheosis, Right in between those two guys, also I love kosh and Sheridan's relationship so much, idk what else to call this, like next to Sheridan/Delenn it’s my absolute favorite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27636953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: Sheridan feels a little foolish talking to thin air.
Kudos: 9





	how to talk to yourself (and what to do when the self talks back)

Sheridan sat in the dark, the lights dim and low, the chair underneath his hands not quite real enough for him. It had only been a week or two since he had last sat here, since he had last been here. It felt like years. 

He sighed low and heavy, still processing the events of his return. His return to Babylon 5, his return to Delenn. The warmth that filled him at the mention of her name couldn’t be stopped- it would be as useless as trying to stop the ocean’s tide with only a pail. 

That joy, however, had been overshadowed by the discovery of the Vorlon fleet, and the impending doom that awaited them all. First, however, first they had to deal with the Vorlon on his station, the Vorlon that was slowly killing Lyta. 

The spark of outrage at that was not entirely his own. 

Lorien’s words echoed back to him, “ _ Are you aware there is a Vorlon inside you? _ ” Aware? No. Suspected, however… he’d known something was wrong, Lyta’s sudden change of manner around him, the words that sometimes whispered in his mind, the influx of strange dreams and stranger advice not entirely his own. 

Sheridan shifted, questions pulling at his mind as he took a breath and steeled himself. He swallowed, tongue thick, and spoke to the empty room, “Did you know?” 

The room was quiet and still, his question hanging in the air. For a single moment, he felt extremely foolish as time stretched infinitely outwards. Then a rumble, warm and familiar, somehow both from himself and from everywhere at once, “ _ Yes _ .” 

Sheridan breathed, eyes widening, “You’re  _ real _ .” 

“ _ Why would I not be _ ?” 

His fingers dug into the arm of the chair, glancing up instinctively for Kosh, but, of course, not finding him, “It sounds crazy. To anyone normal that is.” 

“ _ Good _ .”

And Sheridan cannot help the way he cracks into a smile, helplessly fond, the reply exactly one he would expect from the Vorlon had he still been alive. He took a moment, mood souring again as he remembered their circumstances, “If you knew about the fleet, why didn’t you tell us?”

“ _ I had hoped to be wrong. _ ” 

Sheridan’s brows furrowed, “How…” he laughed without humor, “How human of you.” 

“ _ How foolish _ .” 

Sheridan snorted, shaking his head. 

He waited, trying to get used to the presence in the back of his mind, watching and waiting, warm and alive and vibrant- full of a quiet song. He wondered how he’d never noticed it before. He spoke again, finally, “What are you, exactly?” 

“ _ A memory _ .” 

Sheridan half-laughed, incredulous, “Last I checked, memories didn’t talk back.”

“ _ I am not alive. _ ” 

“You’re not dead either.”

Kosh’s reply was quick, “ _ We are the same then. _ ”

Sheridan really did smile then, “We’re a pair then, aren’t we? Neither of us quite belong here, but here we are all the same.” 

“ _ Yes _ .” 

Sheridan tapped his fingers, studying the dark around him, “You should really ask permission next time though. Before… before giving yourself to me. It might save a whole lot of confusion and trouble.” 

“...  _ do you regret it? _ ” 

Sheridan lifted an eyebrow at that. The concern he felt welling up, thick and full of worry was not his own. Sheridan shook his head, smile soft, “No, I suppose I don’t.” 

Relief. And then, a cool cryptic answer, as if nothing had transpired, “ _ Good _ .” 

“I do have one more question, since you can’t walk away from me this time. That… that night. Was that you?” He added, trying to picture the dream he’d woken from when he’d realized that Kosh was gone, “Talking to me again? Touching my mind?”

Sheridan thought for a moment that he really had retreated back under, just out of spite, but Kosh surprised him again, “ _ Yes _ .” 

Sheridan nodded as he thought of the dream again, something in him twisting at the remembered apology- which led him to thoughts of the morning, of their plan, ready to be executed soon enough, of the fact that Kosh would be gone again. He really had missed him. Sheridan swallowed, fingers finally stilling from their agitation, “I suppose this is goodbye then. Really goodbye this time.” 

It was quiet, then, “ _ Yes _ .” 

“You know, you’re different from them- from the other Vorlons, Kosh. You’re better. I don’t… I don’t know why. But you always were.” Sheridan laughed, “Even when you were being damned annoying and stubborn- and controlling as all hell. You’re a good person, Kosh. At least, in the end you were. And I’m proud to have known you.” 

He waited, thinking perhaps, he had driven off the faint presence in the back of his mind, but then, “ _ I am proud of you too, John. _ ” 

He couldn’t help the way his breath hitched as real, true silence filled the back of his mind. Kosh had retreated back to merely being a silent witness. Sheridan couldn’t help the warmth that filled him. 

At least, this time, they’d truly gotten to say goodbye. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is here where I am *always* willing to talk B5: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


End file.
